


Unanswered Goodbyes

by precious_passenger (orphan_account)



Series: Goodnight, Sweetheart [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: AU, Angst, Cutting, Emotional Manipulation, Episode: s03e14 On My Way, Episode: s03e17 Dance With Somebody, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 01:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/precious_passenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine is starting to notice some strange behaviors in Kurt, the tenseness, sudden flinching and shutting off. And why does it seem that he's surgically attached to his phone? Starts after "On My Way"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A week after Karofsky’s suicide attempt, it was established that he transferred to another school and was going through therapy. The whole school seemed to have moved on and went back to their usual busy routine after that. The glee club and those he bullied mercilessly while he was in McKinley High were too quick to let it all go, uncomfortable to see that the monster that tormented them actually was capable of human emotions. In short, it was almost as if nothing tragic had happened.

Blaine was also one of those people. Sure, his heart ached for Karofsky, but he also couldn’t help but think back to last year, when he first met Kurt, the hurt and how lost and out of place he looked when he saw him singing and dancing to “Teenage Dream”. The almost dreamy look in his face and wide expressive eyes who clearly thought _is this really happening?_ as he took in the friendly atmosphere in Dalton. Hell, he even started crying in front of three strangers when they began talking to him civilly and that’s not something Kurt Hummel did.

And it was all because of that boy whose news of suicide as well as his sexual preference had been a great shock to the student body. He thought about the day he and Kurt went to the hospital Karofsky was admitted. Kurt hadn’t allowed Blaine to come inside to visit. Now Blaine knew how right that decision was, because all he could feel in that moment was a strange and sick sort of satisfaction. And anger, lots and lots of anger. He would’ve just shook the jock over and over again and said, no _shouted_ at him “Do you see now what you did to this boy for two whole years?”

The anger had left his body soon enough and guilt replaced satisfaction. But one thing never that changed, was the feeling of _dread._ What if Kurt hadn’t been so strong dealing with his bullies? What if they hadn’t met and Kurt had felt so alone that…

What if the Warblers never tied at Sectionals and won Regionals because the New Directions had lost one of their members not because he had transferred, but because….

_Kurt._

At those moments Blaine would cling to him as if to reassure himself that Kurt was there, with him. That his nightmares were just that… nightmares.

He shared those thoughts with Kurt one night after a particularly gloomy session of watching Rent. Kurt had comforted him, hugged him close and kissed him over and over again until all the dread vanished and he felt nothing but bliss. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere” he would whisper to him, and god, how did he know that this was just what he needed to hear?

The bell snapped him out of his daydreams. He tried to wound his arm around Kurt’s waist as they walked in hallway to their next class. He held back a sigh as Kurt pulled back immediately, almost like a reflex. Although none of them were avid fans of public display of affection, especially in this homophobic hell-hole, he couldn’t ignore the fact that they had been drifting apart for a while. Kurt wasn’t even talking to him about New York anymore and when he did, the spark had gone out of his eyes.

“What’s going on with you, Kurt?” Blaine thought desperately, and they continued walking an arm’s distance apart to History class. Almost like two strangers.


	2. Chapter 2

As Blaine finished his rendition of P!nk’s “Get the Party Started”, he glanced at his boyfriend. Instant disappointment fell upon him as his eyes met with the cold and distant ones sitting there, clapping politely with the rest of the club.

In the past weeks, Kurt had become worse and it was driving Blaine insane. There wasn’t a single crack in the armor he’d put up for everybody but he had started to shut off. Sure, he kept up the happy and cheerful appearance, laughing when he was supposed to, but Blaine knew him better than that. There were also some things he started to notice… things which appeared that no one else was able to see.

Kurt was significantly losing weight. He was barely eating anything and in the few times when they were eating together, he had given in to Blaine’s pleas and ate something, it had been the smallest amount and Blaine had been pretty sure that sometimes, more often lately, he heard sounds of him throwing up in the bathroom afterwards. But when he confronted him, he brushed it off with different excuses each time.

There were other things too. How Kurt would demand he’d call him as soon as he reached home, and if sometimes he wouldn’t call right away, his voice on the phone sounded pained and so small. How sometimes he would suddenly tense up and become pale at most random times. How he would complain about it being cold and shiver when the weather was still moderately warm. Blaine would try to subtly touch his hand when he said it but his temperature seemed normal, then he’d see Kurt turning away to hide his teeth clattering.

Or there was this one time when he couldn’t find his phone in the room which resulted in a full-blown panic mode and appearance of a very scary Kurt, until he found it in his own pocket.

He’d worry a lot about silly little details like the color coordination of lunch contents, but never about the main thing, himself.

Blaine couldn’t stand seeing all this and not doing anything. He’d gone and talked to Ms. Pillsbury about his concerns and she offered him pamphlets about separation anxiety, explaining that most seniors experienced this kind of behavior before graduation. But Kurt wouldn’t listen to him anymore and Blaine couldn’t argue any further, not after the last time that they did. It was the most confusing thing Blaine had witnessed. He remembered it vividly.

_-Flashback-_

_They were in Blaine’s room. They hadn’t properly seen each other in a week and even at school. Lately it seemed that Kurt was avoiding him._

_“Come on, Kurt. Go to one of the appointments I have set up with Ms. Pillsbury. She’ll know what to do. You know the last time I talked to her…”_

_“Not now, I don’t have time for that,” Kurt frowned, absorbed in his mobile._

_“Just tell your dad, if you wouldn’t talk to me talk to your dad, or Carole. Just do something. You’re scaring me, Kurt.”_

_“I’m perfectly fine.” He didn’t even look at him in the eye._

_“No, you’re not. Kurt, this isn’t healthy,” Blaine shouted, frustrated by how Kurt was avoiding him. Kurt flinched and looked up from his cell phone._

_“Now he’s listening. Do I have to shout all the time to get your attention?” Blaine paced the room, still shouting. “All you do is type away in your phone. What do you have in there that’s more important than me, huh?”_

_In his sudden surge of anger he grabbed Kurt’s phone from his hands. As he began to inspect it, a sudden intake of breath from the other side of the room caught his attention._

_“Kurt?” Kurt’s face was frozen in shock._

_“Kurt, honey, you alright?” Blaine soon found himself an armful of Kurt as he threw himself in his arms, mumbling strings of words and apologies that Blaine couldn’t decipher._

_“I’m so sorry Blaine. I’ll be better. I’ll get better. Please don’t leave me.”_

_He could feel Kurt’s heart rapidly beating in his own chest from the sheer force Kurt was holding on to him._

_They ended up on his bed, Blaine rocking Kurt gently. He wasn’t surprised that after a while he heard his sleeping boyfriend’s soft snores. He’d seen the dark circles under Kurt’s eyes that no amount of makeup could hide._

_-End Flashback-_

Blaine was surprised to hear a soft chuckle from his boyfriend as he approached his locker. Mr. Shuester had dedicated this week to the musical genius “Whitney Houston” and although Kurt insisted that he really didn’t _get_ Whitney, Blaine had all but pushed him to the music store that recently opened in Lima, refusing to come with him. He hoped that some time alone with music would somehow heal the boy’s soul.

“You’re in a cheerful mood today. Did you find a song?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m planning to sing “So Emotional”,” Kurt replied distractedly, smiling at something on his phone. He shook his head as he put it in his bag and looped his arm around Blaine’s, pecking his cheek, “and dedicate it to my amazing boyfriend, so all glee girls would die of jealousy.”

Blaine smiled and suppressed a happy squeal.

“And why would they die?”

“Huh? What?” Kurt’s expression was one of horror. His eyes looked haunted. Like he knew something extremely painful that no one else could see. But the expression was gone before Blaine finished explaining.

“You just said it now. How all glee girls would die after hearing your song…?”

Kurt’s faced lit up again in the most genuine grin Blaine had seen in weeks as he sang into his ear.

“Because I get so emotional baby, every time I think of you…” Kurt winked at him mischievously and they happily went to their class, Blaine easily shrugging off Kurt’s slip.

The following week was just the break Blaine needed. Kurt seemed so much happier, still distracted but so much calmer than he was in a week ago. He could only hope that his concerns had reached Kurt and he was going to work on getting better. He said that he’d read the pamphlets and would kiss him every time Blaine wanted to argue further, asking him to stop worrying. Blaine couldn’t complain. He’d missed the closeness he shared with the boy too much to question it.

Sadly, the calm and peace didn’t last long.

Blaine had invited himself over to Kurt’s home and they were planning to watch a TV special about Whitney Houston. They cuddled in Kurt’s bed, the door wide open, Burt’s orders, with an extra blanket on them, Kurt’s orders.

In the middle of the program, Kurt excused himself to go get refreshments. Blaine frowned and held on tighter “warm, don’t go,” he muttered, already sleepy. He felt and heard Kurt’s laughter beside him as he struggled to release himself from the tight grip Blaine had on his waist.

His eyes were drooping close again when he felt something shaking him. He sat up straight, startled, and found out it was Kurt’s phone buzzing away, almost as if someone was calling him. “That’s odd,” Blaine thought, “who’d be calling now?”

The buzzing wouldn’t stop. Blaine searched the bed for phone to inform the person calling that Kurt would call them soon. He was almost sure it was Rachel. The girl didn’t have a clue about the social etiquettes, like when to call people. When they were cast in the “West Side Story” musical she’d call at the most random hours to suggest different acting choices. He heard that she and Kurt had started brain storming for their NYADA audition choices. Poor Kurt, Blaine chuckled to himself as he went to retrieve the phone from under the blanket. Only to find out that the alert wasn’t for calling, they were a dozen of message alerts on Kurt’s mobile screen. The nagging feeling overpowered the polite one as he unlocked the screen and that time another text popped up. _Chandler,_ it read. _Who the hell names their child Chandler?_ Blaine thought angrily and furiously tapped on the name to show the history of conversation between his boyfriend and this Chandler guy.

_Holy crap!_ The guy had been flirting with his boyfriend and not once Kurt told him to go fuck off. On the contrary, it seemed that Kurt had been the one who egged him on. Blaine felt sick to his core.

As luck would have it, Kurt chose exactly this moment to enter the room, wearing one of Finn’s hoodies that was too large for him, carrying packs of snacks and a water bottle.

“What’s this?” Blaine asked him. As Kurt’s gaze spotted the phone in his hands, smile quickly died on his lips, the little color he had quickly draining from his face.

“Give me my phone.” He whispered.

“Is this why you’ve been acting strange?” Blaine stepped closer.

“I said give me my phone” he whispered again weakly, half leaning to the door.

“Who’s Chandler, Kurt?”

Blaine heard a quiet sigh from his boyfriend, and felt him deflate. His voice was stronger when he replied “Why are you going through my phone?

_So it’s my fault now?_ Blaine wanted to shout, “I'm not going through your phone. It's just that it keeps buzzing. Because Chandler won't stop texting you.”

He wanted to read some of the texts to Kurt just so he could understand what he was doing to him, to their relationship. But Kurt shook his head and said.

“Please, just give me my phone. There’s no need to get upset.”

_What the actual…?_

“No need to get upset? Are you listening to yourself? This is cheating, Kurt.”

“But, Sebastian…No, just… forget about it.”

Kurt looked around, seeming lost.

“This is what texting is supposed to be like.” Kurt whispered brokenly, pain evident in his voice.

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Blaine threw his hands up in frustration. And then it suddenly dawned on him.

“You like this guy?”

Kurt stared at him, shocked. He opened his mouth and closed it for a few times until he hung his head and replied “I like the way he makes me feel… I mean…”

“Am I not enough?”

Kurt had closed his eyes and looked so tired, but damn it, Blaine was tired too, tired of guessing what was going on with Kurt.

“Blaine, no, just forget about it. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, Kurt. You really think that this is nothing? God, I can’t talk to you. I feel like I’ve taken crazy pills. I’m gonna go now.”

He wanted to tell Kurt all the hurtful things that were going on his mind, he wanted to mock him for going after another guy, for not being brave, courageous enough to talk about his problems with him, but his heart was aching too much to think coherently . He had to get out of here soon before he did or said something stupid and made things worse, but then again, a voice in his mind scoffed at him _could it get any worse?_

He shook his head and softly threw the phone towards Kurt, intending that he’d catch it. But Kurt seemed to be in another universe. Not only he didn’t catch it, he didn’t even flinch as it hit his chest and slid to his foot.

Blaine stormed out of the room. Pushing roughly past a very frozen Kurt.

“Leaving so soon, Blaine?” Burt asked, looking up from the game he was watching and became concerned as he took in Blaine’s flushed face.

“I’m sorry, sir. I’m expected at home soon. Have a nice evening, sir” Blaine muttered politely as he went for the door. He hesitated on the porch, not closing the door.

_“Fuck it, I’m going back”_ Blaine said to himself. He’d left Kurt’s room thinking he would sing him a song tomorrow in glee club, a song that surprisingly made his way from their recent fight, but he didn’t feel like bottling things up for later.

He just couldn’t stand not knowing. Kurt downright cheated on him. He wasn’t going to let him get away with it. He wanted answers, _now_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a lot of time going through my P!nk collection to find a song that Blaine would sing at that situation. “Get the Party Started” is one of the few songs that P!nk doesn’t bash some boys in it or talk about breaking up with them and it’s a bit suggestive. So I’d like to think that Blaine wanted to cheer Kurt up with that song.
> 
> *Cue suspense soundtrack* so what do you think about this chapter? And what do you think happened, really? I’m dying to know your guesses.


	3. A Heart Without a Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Unanswered Goodbyes:  
> He’d left Kurt’s room thinking he would sing him a song tomorrow in glee club, a song that surprisingly made his way from their recent fight, but he didn’t feel like bottling things up for later.
> 
> He just couldn’t stand not knowing. Kurt downright cheated on him. He wasn’t going to let him get away with it. He wanted answers, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the warnings in the story. I tried to keep the triggering part to the minimum amount it was necessary, but if you think it might upset you, I’m begging you don’t read this.

“Did you forget something, kid?” Burt asked with an amused smirk as Blaine pushed the door open. Blaine stuttered through an apology.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir, for causing discomfort at this time. I….”

“Oh for god’s sake, kiddo, stop being so damn polite. Go do your business” Burt shooed him away and Blaine offered him a weak smile, already exiting the living room.

He definitely wasn’t expecting what he saw next when he opened the door. His mind caught up with the images it was sending him a moment too late and he just saw picture after picture, almost numbly.

Kurt had slid down on the floor, near the bed, staring numbly at it. His phone was smashed against the wall and all the snacks were lying carelessly on the ground. But what was most odd in the picture was the metal object Kurt had in his hand. For a second Blaine thought Kurt had a cross in his hand and was praying. But then he saw his rolled up sleeve and the glimmer of a scissor blade.

“Kurt?”

Kurt’s head snapped up and he opened his mouth but Blaine beat him to it, “what are you doing?”

Kurt looked at him for another moment before throwing his head back and laughing.

“I’m doing laundry, that’s what I’m doing.”

But the sound Blaine heard wasn’t laughter. It wasn’t a sarcastic or mocking sound. No, it was awful. It sounded like Kurt was trying to cry. Like he was sobbing but couldn’t actually form any tears.

Blaine was still in shock. He kneeled in front of him, the boy he was certain he loved dearly, more than anything in this world, and asked again “What are you doing, Kurt?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt whispered, the sudden hysteria dying down just as quick as it started. Blaine tugged at the scissors, and it clinked to the floor uselessly. Blaine was relieved that there weren’t any marks on Kurt’s skin, just angry lines after lines of irritated skin. The blade was clean.

Kurt decided to get up and fell right back, his face going pale as sheet. “Bottle in the nightstand” he said, almost slurring.

Blaine looked around and fetched him the water bottle. Kurt drank it slowly and leaned his head to the bed. He noticed, Blaine’s questioning glance and answered in monotone,“it has sugar and salt in it.”

“Why?” Blaine was beyond caring now. Caring about the words, the fight. He was surprised that he could form sentences; even if it was half whispered, one word ones.

“I can’t keep anything else down.”

Blaine prepared himself to ask all the questions that were crowding in his head but before he could even begin one he was interrupted by a rather loud buzz that echoed through the room.

He felt Kurt move to retrieve it and gently pushed him back, deciding it was best if Kurt rested for now and went to get it himself. He handed it back to Kurt, which he unlocked the screen with shaky fingers and glanced at the screen before his hand went limp.

“Shit, not again…”

As Kurt’s eyes began to lose focus, Blaine picked the phone up and stared at the single sentence it showed.

“I’m thinking about it… -Dave”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shit, not again…”  
> As Kurt’s eyes began to lose focus, Blaine picked the phone up and stared at the single sentence it showed.  
> “I’m thinking about it… -Dave”.

Blaine was still trying to figure out what the text meant and who the hell this Dave character was, when he felt Kurt move beside him, wobbling towards bathroom, Blaine following shortly after him.

Was Kurt leaving him for not only one but two guys?

His brain short-circuited when he heard the sounds of dry-heaving. He was staring at the bathroom door, which he’d been so engrossed in his thoughts that hadn’t realized it had gotten slammed into his face.

_It’s Karofsky, you idiot._

He opened the door with no hesitation and kneeled beside Kurt in front of the toilet, gently rubbing his back.

He tried to mentally search for the glass and calculate how long he’d have to leave Kurt alone to get him some water.

“Go away” Kurt mumbled weakly.

Blaine shushed him and pushed the hair that was falling to his face back.

His mind began going through everything he’d seen today, connecting it with all the peculiar behaviors Kurt had been having for the past month. It all made sense. Though one thought just kept nagging, _why?_

Blaine handed him the glass he’d brought and quickly filled with water from the tap, instructing him to wash his mouth, which Kurt rolled his eyes at him and nearly scoffed. Then, directed him towards the bed, covering him with blanket, the extra blanket placed on his stomach. He put the cool bottle on Kurt’s forehead, acting as an icepack. He didn’t want to leave him alone even for a second to go get a real one. Kurt rearranged the bottle so it was on his eyes and let out a sigh of content.

“Better?”

“Yeah, it’s all right now. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Don’t be silly.”

Blaine paused and then shyly continued.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Kurt sighed. “I guess it’s only fair, for you, to know.”

And began. “Well do you remember the day when Karofsky had just tried to take his life?”

“I do.” Blaine nodded and held his hand.

Kurt smiled at him but moved his hand away.

“And you remember that I ditched all of my classes that day?”

“Of course I do. I was worried sick.”

“You remember that hiding spot we had used for making out that we abandoned because it was within an ear shot of Figgins' office?”

“Ew, don’t remind me. It was pretty unappealing hearing him go on and on about how much everything costs.”

 “Well, that’s where I was.”

_-Flashback-_

_The jocks were acting so much worse these last days. They always waited until he was alone to strike. The shoves were harsher each passing day._

_He woke up very quickly in the morning when he was heading to French, as a foot suddenly appearing on his way, making him trip and fall face-first on the cold floor._

_“You’re up next, homo!”_

_They had said to him, walking all over the notes that had fallen from his bag. What was up with Azimio and his gang?_

_And now, he could see from the end of the hallway the group of jocks approaching, his flight instinct kicking in, he turned around and went to the nearest place he knew they couldn’t get him. No one would beat him up under principals’ office._

_He was pulling his phone out to text Blaine that he wouldn’t be able to make it to class on time when he saw the message alerts. He frowned at his phone and then he became aware of noises in the background. It was Figgins talking._

_“..He still has many friends here. And my understanding is that these teen suicides...or even attempts like David's...can induce a string of copycats.”_

_“It's just so senseless.”_

_That was coach Beiste. What was going on?_

_“These people can sling their hatred and their mud anonymously.”_

_And Ms. Pillsbury…_

_It was the strangest feeling. He felt his mind trying to deny everything, convince him he was just over thinking, trying to come up with excuses. And then Coach Sue’s voice broke him out of his thoughts._

_“I could have done more. I was principal when Dave was having his trouble with Porcelain, and...I knew there was something up with that kid. I knew it.”_

_Fuck, Karofsky…Dave._

_His mind just fell silent and empty. Useless. He bit down on his hand to muffle down his sobs._

_It didn’t even make him feel better when he found out that his dad had found him in record time and he was in hospital, healing._

_“Guys, we were all hard on Dave. We thought he was going to hurt Kurt. I just never thought he'd hurt himself.”_

_Oh, Mr. Shuester. So it wasn’t just him that thought all of this was his fault, then. They were all thinking it. And they didn’t even know that he had the power to help him, to pull him up. And he ignored it._

_And then he was suddenly reminded of the texts. He was shaking pretty hard and had to try a couple of times to type in his password. He went to check his unanswered messages._

_There were actually three. Two of them were pretty lengthy and the lines were already blurring, mixing together, making it impossible to read. But the last one…_

_“Goodbye, Kurt. - Dave”_

_-End of Flashback-_

Blaine could only stare at him, mouth slightly open in shock, but Kurt couldn’t see it.

“Do you also remember three days after that, when we visited him in the hospital?”

Kurt’s voice was almost hoarse and it made him sound older.

“I remember when _you_ visited him”

“That’s right. I had to do it alone. It was my mess to fix.”

_-Flashback-_

_Kurt had become a jumble of emotions. Anger, at Dave, his school, himself. And wave after wave of sadness. It was exhausting. He wasn’t used to feeling this much. His usual coping technique was to brush it off. But this was a huge deal. He couldn’t just brush it off._

_He had to fix this. Or at least, try his best._

_Stay strong._

_He felt Blaine’s gaze on him as he hesitated in front of the door, shifting from one foot to another. He slowly pushed the door open and slid in, careful to be quiet._

_“Can I come in?”_

_Dave nodded._

_Kurt pulled up a chair and sat down as he heard him explain that he could go home tomorrow. He couldn’t faint in here no matter how dizzy felt. This wasn’t about him._

_“That's great. I'm really happy that you're alive, David.”_

_He said, amazed that his voice wasn’t breaking._

_“I should have returned your calls.”_

_Dave shook his head. “Why would you, after the way I've treated you?”_

_Kurt shrugged it off. “It’s okay.”_

_Dave disagreed and began recounting the events that had led to him committing suicide._

_MyFault, MyFault, MyFault, MyFault, MyFault._

_If the guy hadn’t seen them in Breadsticks…_

_Somehow Kurt made himself not just run towards the door and leave this place. Somehow he found the strength to talk, too. But how, he couldn’t figure it out._

_“I'm not gonna lie to you, it...it isn't gonna be easy. And there'll be some days when...life just sucks. But you're gonna get through this. 'Cause I'm gonna help you.”_

_“You’d do that for me?” Dave was looking at him with so much hope and openness that just pushed him far back. He felt disconnected from his own body._

_“Of course. So would everyone else who loves you and accepts you for who you are.”_

_-End of Flashback-_

“We talked some more. I must have said something comforting because I remember him laughing and looking happier, but I can’t remember anything more.”

“And then? What happened after that?”

“We just began texting each other a couple of times. He’d text me how his therapy was going and when stuff was becoming hard. But then...”

Kurt tried to shallow. His throat was so dry. He hugged Blaine’s hand between his arms and tried again.

“He tried to kill himself again, Blaine. One of our routines was that I’d check him one more time in the night before I went to sleep and he just mentioned offhandedly that he was planning to kill himself that night and after a couple of useless texts and calls that were rejected , he just wrote “Goodbye, Kurt” and turned his phone off.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I just drove to his school in the lunch period the next day, saw him sitting miserably in a corner and went back. I couldn’t talk to him. I couldn’t help him, Blaine. All I could do was nod my head to him and just escape.”

Blaine felt like he was going to get sick.

“What about Chandler?”

“Gosh, he was the dorkiest dork I’ve ever seen. I met him at the music store and then he began complimenting me and when he asked for my number I gave it to him. I know. It was a stupid thing to do. But then, I had something to laugh, and there was a possibility each time my phone buzzed that it was just Chandler, goofing away, not Dave talking how much he wanted to die and how unbearable it was for him. and it just, it felt so good to let it go.”

“ _This is what texting is supposed to be like,_ ” he had said. “ _I like the way he makes me feel_ ”. Kurt had been feeling so alone that the only happiness he found was some cheesy texts from a random stranger. And it was all Blaine’s fault. He was supposed to see these things. Other half, soul mate, love of life, his head was full of those teenage-movie words but he didn’t actually do a single thing. He couldn’t prevent anything. He might even have made it worse. The thought troubled him deeply but strengthened his resolve to straighten everything out so much more.

“You should rest, Kurt. You had an exhausting day. Sleep, I’ll wake you up in a couple of hours.” Blaine lied. He wouldn’t even dream of waking Kurt.

And maybe it was the feeling of a weight lifting off from his chest, or just the feeling of Blaine humming tunelessly beside him, stroking his hair that Kurt was actually able to sleep, like, really sleep.

Blaine sat cross-legged on the bed, watching Kurt. He didn’t seem at ease. He kept mumbling stuff under his breath and tossed and turned a lot and sometimes one or two teardrops would roll down his closed eyes. Blaine had no idea how long this has been going on, when everything had escalated to the point when Kurt just fell apart. But he wanted to make sure that it would never happen again. Karofsky wouldn’t cause him any more nightmares as far as he was concerned. Blaine needed to make some plans and now seemed the right time.

* * *

Kurt didn’t know how long he had slept, so he had no idea if it was early in the morning or late at night. He felt strangely comfortable. Then he decided to get up and a fresh wave of nausea hit him. What was he thinking? Eating cafeteria food? They were the worst. He felt like throwing up before, during and after eating it. In fact he just felt like sticking his finger down his throat and make himself throw up. But he was tired of throwing up and wouldn’t consider initiating it himself. It made him feel more disgusting.

He rolled to his side, he knew from experience that he should just curl into himself and wait for sleep, or most likely, dawn. And then he came face to face with a very soft, breathing blanket.

“Gaah!” came Blaine’s voice. _What is Blaine doing here?_ Kurt wondered to himself. He didn’t have to think for long before he realized Blaine was talking to him. “Umm, Kurt? A little help would be nice.”

Kurt turned on the lamp. Apparently he’d startled the boy so much that he fell right off the bed but his legs were tangled between blankets, not letting him fall completely, so he was just hanging backwards. It was the funniest thing, but Kurt couldn’t laugh. What if he’d fallen face first and cracked his head. Or got a concussion? How would Kurt drive him to the hospital and what would have happened if they wouldn’t get there on time? And there would be blood, So much blood. He already felt dizzy.

“Kurt? It’s not that elaborate. Just pull me up please.” Blaine said it loudly but casually. Like he fell off the bed on a daily basis and Kurt immediately knew he did it to keep him calm and was extremely grateful.

“Up you go!”

Blaine stretched and ran his hand through his hair once. Then immediately cheered up and pecked Kurt lightly.

“Well, that’s an effective waking up method. Don’t let my mom ever find out about it.”

“I’m going to step out for a moment, I have to call Dave.”

“What do you say that we go visit him tomorrow?”

“Well, I have to check with him. He had a quiz tomorrow so he wouldn’t be able to come until…”

“It’s already too late.” Blaine smiled lightly at him. What he wasn’t expecting was a stricken Kurt looking at him with wide eyes.

_Too late? Now wait a minute,visit him where? As in Morgue? His Grave? How long had he slept? What? How?_

And then it hit him what Kurt had thought by this sentence.

“God, Kurt. Stop it, you’re a mess. Calm down. I meant to say that he’d already agreed. Look for yourself. ” and showed him his phone.

“Can you meet me tomorrow in Lima Bean? -Kurt”

“Ok -Dave”

“We’re ditching school tomorrow to go talk to Karo…Dave. We’re going to fix everything, Kurt. I promise you, you’re not alone. You won’t ever feel this way again.”


	5. Burning Bridges, Breaking Dishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Unanswered Goodbyes:  
> “We’re ditching school tomorrow to go talk to Karo…Dave. We’re going to fix everything, Kurt. I promise you, you’re not alone. You won’t ever feel this way again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna preach in this note and say that don’t act like the characters in the story. Don’t emotionally bully people into loving and caring for you. Don’t burden them when you know they can’t handle it. If you need help, get it. Use people as a support but don’t suffocate them.   
> And don’t keep it all in. when you feel that something is eating you alive in a friendship, relationship or just ship, express yourself. Be your first priority.

Kurt pushed back from his embrace instantly, “what the hell were you thinking?”

Kurt glared at him.

“You went through my phone and sent a message with my name on it? Give me that.”

He snatched his phone from his hands and began typing quickly.

“You safe? - Kurt”

He paced the floor frantically. “Why hasn’t it delivered yet?” and yelped when his phone vibrated in his hands to show not only the deliver report but also a single “Yes” from David.

Blaine had enough of it. He caught Kurt by the hand and led him to the bed.

“Don’t you realize what he’s doing to you? You can’t go on like this. It’s really killing you and it’s killing me to see you like this.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I know. Just relax, ok? How about some musicals and cuddling, huh? That always makes everything better.”

“Moulin Rouge?” he looked up from under his lashes shyly.

Blaine remembers how over emotional Kurt becomes in the finale, and it has character death in it, and blood… so probably not the best idea.

“How about Mamma Mia instead?”

“Okay,” Kurt replies in a smile voice.

“Mamma Mia it is.” Blaine puts the DVD in, and opens his arms in a silent invitation to join him on the bed.

****

“Where’s my coffee, Blaine?” Kurt asked grumpily.

“You’re not getting any coffee. Coffee is bad for your stomach. I got you some tea.”

“But I don’t want tea.” Kurt sulked.

“Nonsense. Now tell me, are you sure you don’t want anything to eat? Cookies, candy, cheesecake? You didn’t have any breakfast.”

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“Thanks, but I’m fine with my very strong and delicious tea that would definitely help me stay awake,” he quipped sarcastically, accompanied with eye roll, “and I told you, I don’t want to throw up in the middle of a cafeteria, which would be in the bag if I eat anything solid.”

“You sure? They have butterscotch candies too. I know those are your favorite.”

“They’re not, Blaine. I don’t like candies. Just sit the hell down.” Kurt snapped.

Blaine sat down, grumbling to himself.

“No need to be so dramatic. Tea is very delicious. However, if you want to wake up properly we could have a repeat of last night’s adventures.”

“Stop joking about it. You could’ve hit the floor and cracked your head open.”

“But I didn’t. I’m too short for that.”

He said, chuckling to himself and looked up when he was met by silence.

“Seriously, Kurt? You’re not going to laugh at a quip about my height? Now that’s a first.”

But Kurt wasn’t paying attention to him, Blaine quickly realized, his gaze was fixed on the café’s door.

There he was; the very cause of this chaos… Karofsky looked around and finally found them sitting in a corner. Blaine unconsciously stood up and placed himself between Kurt and Karofsky. Both boys raised their eyebrows at him, Kurt silently screaming at him in his head to stop, and he shrugged it off with a smile. The voice in him said sadly: _He’d done the worst damage anyway._

“Hello, David. I believe we meet again. Can I get you coffee?”

“No, I’m ok.” And turned to look at Kurt. “What’s _he_ doing here? You told on me to your boyfriend again, fancy?”

Kurt visibly shrank and became pale.

“Cut the bravado, Dave.” Blaine said strongly, no longer pretending to be laid-back and unconcerned.

“We’re here to help.” Kurt stammered.

Blaine couldn’t help but be reminded of last year, in the courtyard, when they’d confronted Karofsky together. When Karofsky had pushed him back to the bars and he felt panic building up in his chest, Kurt was there to drive him away. But now he couldn’t find any similarities between the boy in his memory and the one sitting beside him, shaking slightly.

They continued arguing with Karofsky, trying to bring back the scared little boy hiding in him with gentle words, but he strongly resisted, defending in turn with rude comments and degrading terms.

Blaine was about to call the meeting useless and suggest they all went back. He wasn’t going to leave them alone to talk, he wouldn’t let him poison Kurt’s mind anymore and Karofsky wasn’t going to talk unless he left.

“Maybe I should be the one leaving,” came Kurt’s quiet voice. He grabbed his bag and headed to the bathroom, tears falling freely from his eyes.

Blaine mentally thanked his lucky stars that he’d searched Kurt’s bag and removed any object he’d thought was dangerous, scissor, nail file and pencil sharpener. Kurt could give him hell as long as he wanted; the important thing was that he was safe.

“What’s up with him?” he asked coldly.

“ _You’re_ up with him,” Blaine nearly yelled at him, no longer holding back now that Kurt was gone, “you finally destroyed Kurt, he’s officially wretched. Does that make you happy?”

That did the trick. The guarded and angry expression in David’s face disappeared completely, instead it was surprise, and to Blaine’s annoyance, concern. He was better dealing with Karofsky knowing that he didn’t care.

“What happened?”

“I found him trying to cut himself yesterday, I have no idea how long it’s been going on, but it’s not too hard to guess. He’s been depressed after your suicide attempt, no more than depressed, restless and just sad. Just know that if you try to contact him one more time, you won’t be going to a doctor only for having a screwed up head.”

He saw Karofsky trying to put two and two together and his faced turned to an expression of horror.

“I believe you. I really am sorry. For everything.”

For the first time, Blaine saw how messed up he really was. There were bags under his eyes and he’d visibly lost some weight, though no more than Kurt, Blaine thought angrily. Suddenly he felt bad about what he said. Karofsky had to be stopped, his abuse had all but destroyed Kurt, and it was Blaine’s priority to get Kurt away from Karofsky, but getting Karofsky away from … Karofsky, that was another task that someone should do.

“Dave, look at me. You really need to stop doing this. I know that you have problems with coming terms to all that happened and I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. But you need real help. This is a huge deal. You can’t just nag about how you wish you had died that day to someone you know won’t be able to handle it. Especially someone you used to bully for two whole years.”

“How do you know what we’d talked about?”

“I stumbled upon some messages yesterday. You didn’t really try to kill yourself that night now, did you? You just wanted to see that he cared enough. So you turned off your phone.”

Karofsky’s face fell and he looked around guiltily.

“I…yes. I mean, Kurt really helped me, after I got out of hospital. But then I realized that I just needed him with me, comforting along the way and I guess a part of me didn’t want to get better because then Kurt wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

“That’s really unhealthy David.”

“I know. Please don’t tell him.” Karofsky almost begged.

“You have my word.”

Blaine slid a piece of paper across the table. “This is the name and address of the therapist I went to when I had my troubles with school and coming out. He’s really good.”

“Thank you.”

“Sebastian’s coming to pick you up, ok? He’s going to talk to you about some other options you have for treatment.”

“You told him?”

“He wanted to come talk to you.”

_-Flashback-_

_“Well, Hello mister Anderson. To what do I owe the absolute pleasure of your call? You ditched that boyfriend of yours and decided to join the fun side?”_

_“Hello Sebastian. I thought you had an epiphany and decided to be a little sensible and start acting well.”_

_“I am a very good boy. I just need to be bad sometimes. Don’t you need to be bad boy too, Blaine?”_

_“No Sebastian, I really don’t. This is serious. Remember that time you told me you worked in a suicide prevention line a few summers back?”_

_“Well, I didn’t tell you. You just snooped around and figured it out all by yourself. I really hope you had tons of fun shouting it from the rooftops…”_

_“I didn’t tell anyone that your sister…”_

_Sebastian broke him off right away._

_“Save it. Are you here to tell me that dear old Kurt decided to do everyone a favor and starved himself and his gay face away? ”_

_Sebastian’s sharp tongue put the image in his head that he’d tried so hard not to imagine it after all he’d witnessed tonight. Kurt’s lifeless body, just lying there on the floor. It was too much._

_Blaine swallowed heavily, fighting the tears that were sliding down._

_“Shit. Blaine. I’m so sorry. Fuck. I did it again. Oh god, It really is Kurt, isn’t it? Please, Blaine, don’t hang up. I’ll help.”_

_Blaine knew he needed to do this, he knew he couldn’t do it alone._

_“It’s not Kurt. I need help dealing with David Karofsky. Apparently he’d stopped his therapy and relapsed. I want to know the options your suicide prevention line provides for such cases.”_

_He said icily, tired of giving boy chances to redeem himself._

_“Dave? Just leave him to me.”_

_“Really, Sebastian? Somehow I think he’ll be better off pushed down a cliff than be left alone with your tasteless sarcasms.”_

_“I’ll have to inform you I’m technically qualified to take action in these situations. I’ll drive him to the centre myself. Where should we meet?”_

_“Tomorrow morning in Lima Bean. You’ll probably have to ditch school though”_

_“Consider it ditched.”_

_“Don’t make me regret trusting you again, Sebastian.”_

_He warned menacingly and hung up, already feeling a headache forming. He tried to crawl back silently into bed next to Kurt, hugging him close. He kissed his neck softly and almost immediately sleep took him in._

_-End Flashback-_

Kurt shuffled his way back into the table and silently sat down. David visibly tensed and scrutinized his every move, as if seeing for the first time how nervous and tired Kurt really was. After a few beats of silence he started.

“Kurt I…I really want to thank you. For everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Kurt looked up, shocked. But quickly recovered and asked.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I guess you’re right. I can’t keep staying this way. It’s not doing any good for anyone.”

As if on cue, the door opened and Sebastian entered. He nodded at the group as a greeting and turned to Dave, his voice lacking the usual mocking quality.

“You ready to go?”

Karofsky stood up and said goodbye to them. A lot was left unsaid, and it was for the best really. The little information they’d scratched up would surely haunt them for a long time. It really was enough for Blaine, and he was sure it was more than enough for Kurt, judging by the sharp flinch he had as Karofsky tried to shake his hand. They spent a few moments apologizing profusely, until an awkward silence fell.

Sebastian broke the silence.

“Well, I’d love to stay and chat but the clock’s ticking. Let’s go. Blaine, you know where to find me when you realized you want to be with a real boy.”

And raised his eyebrow expectantly at Kurt. Blaine rolled his eyes. It has become their routine, the snark match between his boyfriend and the annoying over confident boy. But Kurt ducked his head and looked away, silent tears forming in his eyes. Sebastian’s look turned puzzled and concerned and glanced at Blaine who was clearly sending “ _Get the fuck out of here_ ” glares.

When they left, Blaine turned to Kurt who’d put his head on cool glass table.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Well I officially lost that right to defend my title as a boyfriend yesterday.”

Blaine stared at him like he’d gone crazy.

“Kurt, what the hell are you talking about?”

Kurt looked up and answered brokenly.

“You were going to leave me yesterday. You said it yourself…”

“But that was before I knew what was going on. And I said we’d talk. We didn’t break up.”

“I cheated on you. It’s a deal breaker.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Kurt argued back. “I did.”

Blaine threw his hands up, frustrated. “So I forgive you.”

“Blaine, be serious. You don’t have to deal with this mess. You have to find a way out of all this; it makes sense to leave now. Please don’t take pity on me or feel guilty. Just go. You’ve helped more than I dared to ask.”

Kurt said it all in one breath, like he’d rehearsed it a million times.

“No.” Blaine shook his head.

“Stop acting like a child, Blaine. I’m…”

But Blaine couldn’t listen anymore. He sealed Kurt’s lips with his, right there in the middle of the café. He couldn’t care less about anything other than he wanted to give the whole world to see Kurt smiling again.

When they pulled apart, gasping for air, Blaine felt a strange calmness going through them.

“You said you’d never say goodbye to me, remember?”

And he whispered over and over through his tears.

“I’m here, Kurt. I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Blaine was out of control in here. I wanted to write kind and compassionate Blaine but he turned everything and acted almost possessively. He was just so angry and well for obvious reasons couldn’t punch anything. I hope I did him justice.  
> A/N: I don’t mean to imply that everyone who say that they’re suicidal, are doing it for attention or love. Believe me; I know that’s not the case, firsthand experience over here. But that’s Karofsky’s case and also the easiest one to deal with and write, not to mention the less triggering. He felt like no one loved him so he just latched on to the one thing that knew was too selfless and filled with guilt to let him go.  
> A/N: I really don’t like Sebastian, but the weasel just looked me in the eye and said “put me in your sssssstory, I want to be a good persssssson in here. You need me to balanccccccce everything.” But, I have to admit writing him was fun. If I didn’t ship Klaine I’d definitely put him and Blaine in a room and have them bicker at each other until death.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Unanswered Goodbyes:  
> He couldn’t care less about anything other than he wanted to give the whole world to see Kurt smiling again.  
> When they pulled apart, gasping for air, Blaine felt a strange calmness going through them.  
> “You said you’d never say goodbye to me, remember?”  
> And he whispered over and over through his tears.  
> “I’m here, Kurt. I’m not going anywhere.”

The ride to Kurt’s home was unbearably silent. Blaine tried to turn on the radio but it felt too shrill in the silence.

Kurt immediately slid down his car, banging the door forcefully and strode towards the house. Blaine followed after him once he locked the car properly.

They regarded each other in silence. Blaine sat down on the coach while Kurt paced around the living room, gathering his belongings with a stony expression on his face.

He huffed when he took in Blaine’s expression and before Blaine could say anything, headed to the bathroom.

It seemed that he was even angrier when he exited, finding Blaine standing on guard in front of bathroom door. That was the last straw.

 “Fuck, Blaine, stop following me around. You didn’t even let me drive my own damn car, and I know you already went through my bag and stole my nail file. I’m not going to slit my wrists open whenever you’re not by my side.”

Both flinched at the last sentence.

“Sorry!” they said at the same time.

Blaine hung his head and hold Kurt’s hand softly in his own, his other hand tracing his sleeves, the hidden scar lines that were long faded.

“You left me no choice, Kurt. After a month of not telling me anything I can’t handle not knowing. I had to know what exactly I was dealing with, _we_ were dealing with. I’m not proud about what I did, but I can’t take risks when it comes to you. So I’m very sorry for invading your privacy but I want you to be safe, even if you’d hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” Kurt shook his head, his tone softer, “but how can I trust myself if you won’t trust me?”

Before Blaine could answer, he took his face in his hands and kissed him lightly. He added in a tired voice, “Enough talking, okay? My head’s not really here. I would just be heading to bed. You should go home and sleep too. I know you didn’t get any last night. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Blaine was left standing there, wandering in the living room. He passed by the photos hanging on the wall, calculating what he should do next? His throat felt very dry, seeing photos after photos of a young and carefree Kurt left him feeling wistful.

****

“Dude, you came back! Can I talk to you for a second?”

Blaine looked around, startled, only to find Finn, appearing out of nowhere by the refrigerator, munching some cookies guiltily.

“Finn! What are you doing here?”

Finn looked at him like he was insane.

“This is the kitchen, dude. I’m always here. I was just hiding behind the refrigerator. I thought you were mom.”

Blaine gave up trying to make sense of what the boy was saying.

“What? You’re actually hiding from your mom?”

Finn shook the box he was holding with passion.

“She’s hiding my cookies, man. She says it’s for the guests. Can you believe that? And Kurt is not making them anymore. So I had to protect all that’s left.”

“You’re going to protect the cookies by eating it?”

“’Course, dude. Isn’t that like what a type of fish did? Eating its babies so they would be safe?”

Blaine was at loss for words.

“Anyway, did you notice Kurt acting in a strange way lately?”

Blaine sobered up quickly.

“What do you mean?”

Finn just shook his head, struggling how to put it in words.

“Like, you know he’s not baking or cooking anything anymore. That’s pretty odd. And, well, last week he suddenly barged in my room, said things like he couldn’t stay alone in his room and wanted a distraction. And it was fine, really. It’s so much more fun when he’s there, hanging out. But then he began to get weird when I began bashing the head of those zombies in, tearing its guts up…”

Finn imitated all the things it happened in a game in a very detailed manner, swishing his imaginary sword.

“… And all the blood was coming out of his face, so I kicked him like this … oops, that was Rachel’s calendar…and threw all my grenades at him…but then Kurt went all white and mumble-y and left. So is something like, really wrong with him?”

Blaine felt a strange sort of relief when he realized that it wasn’t just him that had been noticing the change in Kurt’s behavior.

“It’s ok, Finn. Kurt’s just going through a tough time. Just be your sweet self without playing or watching any violent games or movies with him and it’s going to be fine.”

“Deal!” Finn exclaimed happily.

“Just…Keep an eye on him for me, Finn, ok?”

“Sure, man, only if you do the same.”

Blaine didn’t know whether he was going to laugh or cry.

“Always.”

“You wanna play that game I told you about it with me?” Finn asked hopefully, with barely contained excitement.

“No, thank you Finn. I’m gonna go check up on Kurt and then leave. I doubt Burt would be pleased if I overstay his welcome.”

“Yeah! His face went kinda funny when you came to living room and asked permission to sleep with Kurt.”

Blaine flushed a deep scarlet color as he recalled the event. He left the room quickly before Finn could embarrass him more.

He reached Kurt’s room and softly knocked. When he received no answer, he gently opened the door to find Kurt sleeping on his side, his mouth partly open and breathing softly. Thanks to his unwelcome knocking, he looked like he was about to wake up soon.

Blaine looked at the peaceful look on Kurt’s face and it struck him how close he’d been to losing him. He knew that they still had a long way ahead of them, but he was feeling unstoppable. They had to tell an adult, Carole would be his first choice but then again, it all depended on Kurt. And who knew if Karofsky would stay true to his word and stop emotionally abusing Kurt. There was also a chance that it was too late and Kurt would never really get better and some of the triggers he experienced would haunt him his whole life.

Blaine carefully positioned himself on bed, rolling with him gently so he was on top of Kurt, by now he knew Kurt was fully awake but enjoying the last moments of calmness only sleep would provide.

He kissed him gently, slowly, swallowing in Kurt’s startled gasp. He caressed his cheeks. He wouldn’t have realized it last year, but his skin was rougher, showing that the stress had taken his moisturizing routine away in the past month. His chapped lips indicating that Kurt had neglected taking care of his body, and bit on them too often. Just another obstacle they had to smoothen on their way. He trapped Kurt’s hands to his sides and smiled as his body felt so painfully close to his.

“I’m so proud of you.”

He uttered as Kurt opened his eyes.

“I love you so much” he replied.

And for a moment Blaine could see a twinkle of hope in his boyfriend’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. And for now, that twinkle was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it guys, the final chapter. The story is continued in the next story in the series, it's called "Dreams Shattered". It would be awesome to have your support there.  
> It's been a great writing experience here!


End file.
